"Why do you wait so long," you may ask (or maybe you don't). Well, it has been historically proven that I do my best work when I am under pressure. I started early, and things went terrible. When I say terrible, I'm talking about, "resist snapping the piece in half and lighting it on fire" terrible. I stewed for a couple weeks while the piece stared at me from my ragtag studio in the corner of my modest kitchen. I grew to hate it, but I also wanted to make sure I didn't cop out on my obligations. I haven't shown any work publicly for almost four years, and I didn't want this piece to be my excuse to back out of my commitment. I sat down, came to terms with the fact that it may be a complete do-over, and got to work.
About an hour into the second run on this piece, I started seeing the possibility of obtaining the end result I was hoping for. During the first attempt, I had too much time to think, and not enough time to get frustrated about finishing, ergo, motivation to just get it done quickly, and correctly. It then took about two more days, mostly letting layers dry completely before it was 100% finished.
The most interesting part about this new project, is that I like this piece. I rarely make things I find suitable for my own walls. My aesthetic eye for creation is completely different than my aesthetic eye for things I want to own. This may seem odd, but there is nothing more uncomfortable to me than a house full of my own artwork. There have maybe been three or four pieces out of everything I have made, that I am okay with having up in my house. So again, this piece is a rarity for me. I'd really like to see this guy get sold though. I'm trying to slowly make a transition into a pseudo professional practicing artist, and nothing says motivation like good feedback and money to help buy supplies for the next project.*
Anyhow, onto the artwork. There was no particular theme for this project. However, all pieces must use a mixed media approach. I'm still struggling with content, and I've been doing a lot of selfies lately, so it only made sense to do a self portrait. I decided against doing a straight up portrait. This project needed to say something, not just with my artistic style, but also with the image itself.
In the recent past, I've been feeling very down on myself. I have had a hard time mastering many of the things I have set out to learn. There are many things I daydream about doing with my life, and when I get a chance to try my hand at them, and am not immediately awesome at doing whatever it may be, I feel like a failure. It's unreasonable and silly, but it's a truth and something I've struggled with since I was a teenager. I felt that this portrait needed to show that frustration.
Sorry for the poor quality photo, I'll try to put up a better one later.
Sometimes I Feel Like a Disappointment Mixed Media on Wood 14x18"
So there it is. It's a picture of me with the top of my head missing, while a banner of incomprehensible technical illustrations flies about labeling my frustration, as I look on dazed appearing no worse for wear.
So that's it. I'll try to update more frequently as the work flows out a bit more naturally. As always, thanks for reading.
Raygun
* My earlier statement about making money from my art is meant solely for my desire to continue my favorite pastime, without going broke. I have no intention of becoming rich nor famous from doing what I do. It would just be nice if it would pay for itself, and not leave me with a spare bedroom full of unwanted artwork.
